1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"
2.. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up"
5. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
6. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
7. "Do I look like a fucking people person!"
8. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
9. "I started out with nothing still have most of it left"
10. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
11. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
12. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"
13. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self control"
14. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"
15. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"
16. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
17. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
18. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
19. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
20. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
21. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realise you haven't gone to sleep yet"
22. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
23. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
24. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
25. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
26. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it."
27. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
28. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
29. "Chaos, panic and disorder . . . my work here is done."
30. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
31. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?"
32. "Earth is full. Go home."
33. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
34. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
35. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
36. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
37. "If ass holes could fly, this place would be an airport

Classy things to say when stressed

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.

The Road...

A teenager who must behave like an adult, so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.

Letting someone else have your way.

A device that allows someone in another place to pile work on your desk.

A person who cannot enjoy Tchaikovsky's music without knowing how to spell his name.

One who writes a book about Atheism and prays that it will sell.

Permanent Proof of Temporary Insanity

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

No Worries

keep reading, have patience and enjoy!
-----

ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES

...READ THIS FUNNY
BUT TRUE STORY.







Forwarded by Emily Abrera/McCann Erickson/MEP

ADVENTURES SA KAWATANAN NG RENTAS INTERNAS
ni Jol Ong

Okay. So natanggap na ako nung November sa NCCA bilang
researcher. Contract employee lang. 3 months. May
Yearbook project kasi sila at kailangan ng extrang
tao.

Okay lang ang bayad, kaso may 10% withholding tax, at
siyempre, dapat may Tax Identification Number ako. So
tinanong ko yung boss ko- "Sir, di po ba yung employer
ang maglalakad ng TIN ng employee?" Sagot ni bosing-
"Di ka kasi regular employee kaya dapat ikaw ang
maglakad ng TIN mo."Assurance nung assistant ni
bosing- "Okay lang yan, one-time hassle lang yan."

Ala ako problema. Sige, ako maglalakad ng TIN ko.
Tutal, ano ba ang worst case scenario? Mahabang pila?
Red Tape? Naknamsiomai, sanay naman ako sa UP e-
kuhaan ng classcards, pila sa registration, pila sa
graduation, etc.

Ako rin naman ang naglalakad ng registration ng beetle
ko, at sa pagrerenew ko ng lisensya, so okay lang.

Sabi ni bosing, dun daw ako mag-apply ng TIN sa BIR
Main, sa may QC, para mas konti ang pila! . May BIR
din naman sa labas ng Intramuros, walking distance
para sa mga sanay maglakad, pero mas konti raw ang tao
sa Main.

So, sige, nagpaalam ako, isang araw mag-aabsent ako
para lakarin yun. Dun ako sa Main, dahil malapit lang
sa amin, tapos plano ko, dadaanan ko yung ilang
research materials sa UP. Solve!

Pagdating ko sa BIR Main, nagulat nga ako dahil wala
ngang katao-tao. Ni wala akong nakitang pila, maliban
lang dun sa pila sa harap, dahil tsinecheck nung sekyu
yung bag ng mga tao. Nung pagpasok ko, wala pala
silang TIN forms. Wow. Naubusan ng TIN Forms ang BIR
Main. Hanep.

Tinanong ako nung lalaki sa desk kung para saan yung
TIN application ko, sabi ko, para sa work. Tinanong
kung saan ako nagtatrabaho, sabi ko sa Intramuros.

"Dun ka mag-apply sa Intramuros." sabi nung lalaki.

"Di po ba puwede talaga rito?"

"Hinde, kasi sa Intramuros ka e, sila ang may hawak sa
'yo."

Okay lang, although medyo naburat ako sa efficiency
nila. Ibig kong sabihin, wow, Main BIR sila tapos una,
naubusan sila ng TIN Forms, pangalawa, ewan, ang
laki-laki ng saklaw nilang lugar, ang laki-laki ng mga
building nila, tapos hindi nila ako ma-accommodate.

Taragis, e malamang sa kanila rin naman mauuwi yung
records ko kung sa BIR Davao o BIR Batanes ako
mag-apply, dahil tutal, Main sila e, di ba? So ala na
akong magawa, ala rin silang TIN Forms, so useless din
kung magprotesta pa ako dun. So pumunta na lang akong
peyups ( U.P.) for official business,for the first
time.

Hehehe!

Pagpasok ko sa work, sinubukan kong lakarin yung TIN
application ko sa BIR sa labas ng Intramuros, yung
malapit sa port area. Pag-akyat ko sa taas,hinanapan
ako ng certificate of employment, at barangay
clearance.

At dahil walang nagsabi sa akin na kailangan ko nun,
lalo na yung lalaki sa BIR Main, wala akong bitbit na
requirements.

Pagbalik ko sa opisina, inexplain ko sa bosing namin
yung problema. Nakatingin sa akin yung bosing ko na
parang nawe-weirdohan din at di maintindihan yung
paghihigpit ng BIR. Lintek, sabi nga nung isang
workmate ko, the fact na nag-apply na ako for TIN,
dinedeclare ko na sa gobyerno na puwede na nilang
kupitan, err, kaltasan ang maliit kong suweldo.

Ako na nga ang magbibigay ng pera sa kanila, ako pa
ang hinihigpitan. Tanginang gobyerno yan, kahit kailan
talaga pahirap sa mga tao.

Anyway, pag-aaralan pa raw nila kung mabibigyan nila
ako ng certificate of employment. Yung barangay
clearance, ako na ang maglalakad. Plano kong bumalik
ulit sa BIR Main. Hindi ko na lang sasabihin na sa
Maynila ako nagtatrabaho. Yung ninang ko na may
business, binigyan ako ng TIN Forms. Form 1901, take
note. Para sa mga regular employees. May pipirmahan sa
likod ang employer ko. After nito, dumiretso ako sa
barangay hall namin para sa clearance. Hiningan ako ng
CV para sa file. Medyo naiirita na ako sa puntong ito.
Isipin mo naman kung gaano ka-hassle ang buong
prosesong ito, para saan? Para gawin ko ang
aking role bilang mabuting mamamayan sa pagbabayad ng
tamang buwis. Anyway, tinanong ako nung babae sa
barangay hall kung may TIN daw ako. NaFafalo ako sa
noo ko.

Whoooooo!!! I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!!!!

Okay! So may clearance na ako! Humingi na ako ng
certificate of employment sa bosing ko, at
pinapapirmahan ko na siya sa likod ng Form 1901 ko.
Kaso sabi niya, hindi raw puwede kasi wala ako sa
roster of employees ng NCCA. Project employee lang ako
e. So tinanong ko kung puwede ibalik yung mga kaltas
sa akin, tutal ala naman akong TIN e, at ayaw akong
bigyan ng BIR,kaya pu@#$%*na sila, di ko bibigay pera
ko sa gobyerno!

Ang problema, hindi raw puwede yun. Tuloy-tuloy ang
kaltas sa suweldo ko. Kapag hindi raw kasi kinaltasan,
sila raw ang malilintikan kapag nag-check ng expenses
ang NCCA, makikitang hindi binawasan ng suweldo ko. So
tinawag ngayon yung isang accountant ng NCCA para
tulungan kami sa aming munting problema. Hindi rin
maintindihan nung accountant kung bakit hinihigpitan
ako ng BIR. Putsa, ako na nga ng magbibigay ng pera sa
gobyerno, may gana pa silang magpakipot. Sabi nung
accountant, yung kinaltas sa akin, mapupunta pa rin sa
gobyerno, may TIN man ako o wala, at hindi sa bulsa ng
kung sinoman sa NCCA.

Well, dadaan muna sa gobyerno, sa BIR, bago mauwi sa
bulsa ng isang congressman, pero technically, alang
problema dahil pagkahaba-haba man ng prusisyon, sa
simbahan pa rin ni s~tan~s ang tuloy. Ang difference
bale,kapag may TIN ako, dinedeclare ko lang na sa akin
galing yung kakaning-ibon na baryang portion ng
pang-tip ni Mr.Congressman sa p*kpok niya sa Pegasus.
Otherwise, mula kay Mr. Anonymous yung pang-tip niya.

Advise sa akin, sabihin ko na lang na freelance writer
ako. Tutal, may kaltas din naman daw kapag
nag-freelance ka sa mga diyaryo. Tapos i-assert ko raw
na ako na ang pagbibigay ng pera sa kanilang mga letse
sila kaya dapat bigyan pa nila ako ng libreng
chocolait at biskwet out of gratitude mga hayop silang
mga impakto sila.

Okay. So bumalik ulit ako sa BIR Main. As usual, ang
pila lang ay yung sa harap, kung saan nagtse-check
yung sekyu ng bomba sa mga bag ng mga tao. Anyway,
babae na yung nasa desk ngayon. Pinakita ko na yung
baranggay clearance ko, at yung accomplished Form 1901
ko. Nung tinanong sa akin kung saan ako nagwowork,
inexplain ko na freelance writer ako kaya
wala akong regular employer, kaya walang nakapirma sa
likod. Okay?

Okay. Hinde. sabi nung babae, since hindi ako regular
employee, ibang form dapat ang finill-up-an ko. At
bigla siyang naglabas ng Form 1902 at binigay sa
akin.Whew, kinabahan ako dun a. Yung Form 1902, sabi
niya, ay para sa mga "mixed-income individuals," para
sa mga taong hindi regular ang kita- professionals,
businessmen, at sabi niya, freelance writers.

Okay! Fill-up dito, fill-up dun, okay lang!!!
Magkakaroon na ako sa wakas! Inaabot ko na sa babae
yung Form 1902! Eto na...

"Ummm, okay na? Ngayon, punta kayo sa West
Ave.....Branch namin."

Nanlaki ang mata ko. Wow, nasira agad ang aking moment
of triumph.

"Err! , hindi po ba puwede rito sa Main?"

"Hinde, kasi sa Project 6 ka nakatira. West Ave.
Branch namin ang may hawak sa inyo."

Naramdaman ko, parang umiikot-ikot ang paligid ko.
Parang gumagaan ang ulo ko, nanglalambot at naghihina
ang tuhod ko. Bigla kong naramdaman ang isang
matinding pangangailangan na i-headbutt ang kausap
kong babae sa desk. Sa halip na isang headbutt,
nagtanong na lang ako.

"Puwede po bang ibang tao na lang ang maglakad nito
para sa akin?"

"Oo, gawa ka ng authorization letter..."

Ah! Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib! Fafalakad
ko na lang ito sa nanay ko. hehehe. Paglabas ko,
marami pa ring tsinecheckan ng bomba sa bag sa harap.
Ngayon alam ko na kung bakit. Ako rin gusto ko rin
silang bombahin.

Hindi ko pa rin mawari, nung araw na yun, kung ano pa
talaga ang purpose ng BIR Main. Nakangsiomai, dun sa
maliliit na branches nila, siksikan ang mga tao,
milya-milya ang pila. Sa Main, ang lawak-lawak, pero
di sila nag-a-accomodate ng applications!

Sa kasamaang palad, hindi ako nakapagsulat ng
authorization letter, at masyadong busy ang nanay ko
para ilakad ang TIN ko. Anyway, sabi niya sa akin, may
kaklase yung tita ko sa BIR West Ave. Kapag nagipit
ako, hanapin ko na lang yun. Okey. Sige. Isa pa, may
Form 1902 na ako, baranggay certificate, at yung
excuse ng aking pagiging freelancer. Pila lang siguro
ang problema, pero okay na. Putsa, dapat okay na.

At nakarating din ako, isang araw, sa BIR West Ave. Sa
second floor sila nag-oopisina sa isang building.
Masikip yung elevator dahil sa dami ng tao.

Narating ko na rin yung desk para sa TIN. Nung chineck
nung babae dun yung papeles ko, hinanap nila yung
pirma ng employer. "Ay. Wala po. Freelance Writer po
ako e."

Napatingin sa akin yung babae, tinitigan ako sa mata
na wari'y tinitimbang ang mga salitang aking
nasambit...

"Ano yung Freelance Writer?"

NaFafalo ako ulit sa noo.

"Ma'am, freelancer po ako. wala po akong regular na
sahod. Binabayaran ako per article na sinusulat ko.
Hindi po ako regular employee kaya wala akong
certificate of employment."

Nung makitang Form 1902 ang dala ko, sinabihan pa
akong maling form ang bitbit ko, kaya inexplain ko pa
na nanggaling na ako sa BIR Main, na Form 1901 ang
dala ko dati pero sabi dun, mali raw ang 1901 para sa
akin kaya binigyan ako ng 1902 dahil freelance writer
ako, at inirefer ako sa branch nila.

Nakatitig sa akin yung babae, ninamnam ang bawat
salitang sinambit ko...

"Ano yung Freelance Writer?"

Okay! Kulang ka ba sa iodized salt?

Ipinaliwanag ko ulit kung ano ang freelance writer, at
nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin na tila nambubullsh~t
lang ako.

"Punta ka na lang sa Officer of the Day."

"Umm. Saan po yun?"

"Sa Seventh Floor."

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10... ayan...
kumakalma na ko... NAKANANGTOKWA!!!! ANG DAMING TAONG
NAKAPILA SA ELEVATOR!!! $#@*^%$%#!!!!!!!!Alang choice,
tumakbo ako paakyat sa hagdanan mula 2nd patungong 7th
floor. Hingal na hingal ako nang lapitan ko ang
Ofiicer of the Day.

"Ma'am, pinaakyat po ako mula sa second floor..."

At ipinaliwanag ko yung nangyari, mula yung pagpunta
ko sa BIR Main, hanggang sa pagpunta ko sa ibaba
kanina.

"Umm... at anong gusto mong gawin ko?"

Gumuho muli ang mundo ko, pero buti na lang may upuan
sa likod ko. Ipinaliwanag ko ulit.

"Oo nga. Sa second floor ang application ng TIN. Bakit
ka pinaakyat sa akin?"

Halos nagmamaka-awa na ako. "Ma'am, ala po ba talaga
kayong magagawa?" At inilahad ko ulit yung masasayang
adventures ko sa BIR Main, sa BIR Port Area, sa BIR
Main, at sa BIR nila.

Awa ng diyos, may kinuhang chart yung ale, hinanap
yung kategorya ko. Nung makuha yung code, sinulat niya
sa isang espasyo sa 1902 ko, sabay tatak.

"Ayan. Okay na yan."

Namagandai ako. Sincere!!! Halos mapaihi na ako sa
tuwa. Matatapos na!!!

Kaso, putsa, ang daming taong naghihintay sa elevator.
Walang choice, takbo ulit ako sa hagdanan
pababa.Pagdating dun, lalaki na yung nakaupo sa desk.
Pinakita ko ulit yung mga papeles ko.

"Saan ang Certificate of Employment mo?"

Nammannnnn!!!! Ano ba'to? Twilight Zone? Napasok ba
ako sa isang loop?

"Bosing, hindi po ako regular employee e. Freelance
writer po ako."

"Ano yun?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


At ipinaliwanag ko ulit kung ano ang freelance writer,
at ikinuwento ko yung episode kanina, at yung episode
sa BIR Main, etc.

"Ito kasing Form na ito, itong 1902, para sa mga may
negosyo ito e."

"E yan po ang binigay ng BIR Main sa akin, dahil hindi
regular ang sahod ko!"

"May mayor's permit ka ba?"

Pikon na pikon na ako nun kaya hindi ako natawa,
pero,talaga, grabe, comedy ito, men. Wow.

"Hindi ko po kailangan ng mayor's permit! Writer lang
po ako!"

Ineksamin ulit nung lalaki yung papeles ko.

"Ummm, propesyunal ka ba?"

"Opo."

"Anong propesyon mo?"

"Writer po."

"May lisesnsya ka ba?"

Sa isip ko- "HU-WAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!????"

Kung kumain ako ng bulalo kanina, malamang na-stroke
na ako ngayon.

"HINDI NYO PO KAILANGAN NG LISENSYA PARA MAGING
WRITER!!!"

Sabay follow-up ko ng:

"ANO BA KAYO? AKO NA MAGBABAYAD NG TAX SA INYO,
PINAPAHIRAPAN NYO PA AKO!!!" Deadma si lalaki.
Nakatingin pa rin sa papeles ko, iniisip kung ano
gagawin. Kung pinapunta pa niya ako ulit sa Officer of
the Day, i-he-headbutt ko na'to talaga. Buti na
lang-"O sige, irereceive ko ang forms mo, pero ang
alam ko dapat may kasamang papeles pa ito e. Pumila ka
na lang dun..."

*haaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy.......*

Kaso, sobrang haba ng pila, at sa takbo ng mga
pangayayari ngayon, ayoko nang maghintay ng isa't
kalahating oras para lang mag-replay ng kuwentong kung
ano ang freelance writer, at kung bakit hindi ako
regular employee. Lumabas ako, pumunta ako sa
corridor. Pikon na pikon. Tinawagan ko nanay ko,
tinanong ko yung pangalan ng kaibigan dati ng tita ko
sa highschool na nagtatrabaho ngayon dun. Okay, nakuha
ko na yung pangalan. Balik ako dun, tinanong ko yung
sekyu kung saan ang opisina nung babae.

"Sa seventh floor po."

Hindeeeeee!!!!! Pero sige, para lang magkaroon ng
bunga ang paghihirap ko ngayong araw na ito- may
exodus ng tao sa harap ng elevator, kaya ayun, inipon
ko ang natitira kong lakas at hininga, at aking
tinakbo muli ang second to seventh floor sa hagdanan.

Pagdating sa taas, halos bumagsak sa lupa ang baga ko.
Nagtanong-tanong ako ulit kung saan ang opisina nung
bes-pren ng tita ko, hanggang sa mapunta na ako sa
gitna ng opisina nila. Sa wakas- "Ay! Diyan yung
opisina nun, pasok ka diyan."

Yehey!!!

"Ha? Ay! On-leave siya ngayon. Babalik siya sa January
2."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hindi pa rin nauubos ang mga tao sa elevator, hindi ko
maalala kung paano ko tinakbo pababa ang first floor.
Pikon na pikon ako, grabe. Pag-uwi, nakaubos yata ako
ng isang pitsel ng gulaman. Hinintay kong humupa ang
tila-nuclear holocaust ng galit sa loob ng dibdib ko.

Punyetang gobyerno ito!!! Letse!!! Hindi mahuli-huli
yung mga tax evaders,hindi mabigyan-bigyan ng TIN yung
mga nagmamagandang loob na magbayad ng buwis!!!
Tangina, no wonder may lumolobo tayong mga deficit!!!
Syet!!! Ano nangyari sa iodized salt campaign ni
Ramos!!!

Nung gabi, tinawagan ko si TJ, yung kasama ko sa
trabaho, at kinuwento ko lahat. Lagi ko kasing
kinukuwento ang bawat installment ng aking BIR
adventures, at tulad ng isang epiko, grabe ang climax
nung hapon na yun.

Syet. Hayop sa climax. Tinatawanan ko na lang, pero
nung hapon na yun kaya ko sigurong mangagat ng leeg.
Tawa rin nang tawa si TJ, at ngayon, kuwento niya,
tawa rin nang tawa yung mga pinagkuwentuhan niya. Pati
yung mga tao sa tambayan namin, nung kinuwento ko, di
rin makahinga sa katatawa.

Langya, baka maging urban legend pa ang buhay ko, in
which case, sana puwede kong i-video lahat, at
lalagyan ko ng sumpa- ala "The Ring", tapos Fafadalhan
ko ng kopya yung mga tao sa BIR.

Naisip-isip ko na lang ngayon, paano nga kung
kailangan mo ng lisensya para magsulat. Isang physical
manifestation ng concept ng poetic license? haha! Kung
sa driver's license, may mga restrictions tulad ng
"Vehicle up to 4500 KGS GVW" o kaya "Automatic clutch
above 4500 KGS GVW", etc. paano kaya yung sa "Poetic
License" o "Writing License?"

I.Restrictions
1. Haiku and short essays only
2. Essays up to 500 words and Freeverse up to 5
stanzas
3. Essays above 500 words and Freeverse above 5
stanzas
4. Critical Essays, Short Fiction, Poetry ...etc.

Pero nag-digress na naman ako. Isang hapon, pagkatapos
nung BIR episode, dumaan ako sa tambayan namin sa
UP.Nung makita ako ng mga kasama ko - "Jol! Pumayat ka
a! Grabe!" hehehe. Naalala ko yung jogging-jogging ko
sa building, at yung stress, at namagandai ako. Isang
mapait at matamis na ngiti.

At kinuwento ko kung bakit.

ps:
hanggang ngayon, wala pa akong TIN. Kuwento ni TJ, si
Santi Bose raw,namatay nang walang TIN. Nakakatakot.

B.I.R

Dear friends who care about our earth:

In the Valle de San Felix, the purest water in Chile runs from 2 rivers, fed
by 2 glaciers. Indigenous farmers use the water, there is no
unemployment,and they provide the second largest source of income for the
area.

Under the glaciers has been found a huge deposit of gold, silver and other
minerals. To get at these, it would be necessary to break, to destroy the
glaciers - something never conceived of in the history of the world - and to
make 2 huge holes, each as big as a whole mountain, one for extraction and
one for the mine's rubbish tip.

The project is called PASCUA LAMA. The company is called Barrick Gold.
The operation is planned by a multi-national company, one of whose members
is George Bush Senior. The Chilean Government has approved the project to
start this year, 2006. The only reason it hasn't started yet is because the
farmers have got a temporary stay of execution.

If they destroy the glaciers, they will not just destroy the source of
specially pure water, but they will permanently contaminate the 2 rivers so
they will never again be fit for human or animal consumption because of the
use of cyanide and sulphuric acid in the extraction process.

Every last gramme of gold will go abroad to the multinational company and
not one will be left with the people whose land it is. They will only be
left with the poisoned water and the resulting illnesses. The farmers have
been fighting a long time for their land, but have been forbidden to make a
TV appeal by a ban from the Ministry of the Interior.

Their only hope now of putting brakes on this project is to get help from
international justice. The world must know what is happening in Chile. The
only place to start changing the world is from here.

No to Pascua Lama Open-cast mine in the Andean Cordillera on the
Chilean-Argentine frontier.

We ask the Chilean Government not to authorize the Pascua Lama project to
protect the whole of 3 glaciers, the purity of the water of the San Felix
Valley and El Transito, the quality of the agricultural land of the region
of Atacama, the quality of life of the Diaguita people and of the whole
population of the region.

Pascua Lama

1. Star wars

When the storm troopers break into the control room, watch
very carefully and you will be able to see a storm trooper
nearly render himself unconscious by smacking his head off a
door frame.

2. Commando

One of the most blatant mistakes ever committed to film. The
yellow porsche is totally wrecked on the left side, until
arnie drives it away, and it' s fine.

3. The rocky horror picture show

The criminologist describes the events of the movie as
taking place "on a late november evening". In the very next
scene, brad and janet are driving in brad's car, and nixon's
resignation speech is playing on the radio. Nixon resigned
in august of 1974.

4. Harry potter and the philosopher's stone

When harry, ron and hermione rush to hagrid after end-of-
the-year exams, and harry is saying something that ends with
"why didn't i see it before", hermione is mouthing his
lines.

5. Terminator 3: rise of the machines

One of the most blatant mistakes ever seen onscreen - in the
scene where john and catherine are in the hangar at the
runway, the cessna's tail number is n3035c. When the plane
is shown in the air, the number is n9373f. When they land,
the tail number has changed back to n3035c.

6. Charlie's angels

When the angels are fighting the "creepy thin man," right
before drew barrymore lifts lucy liu to spin her around and
kick the thin man, to get lucy's attention, drew hollers out
"lucy!" even though lucy liu's character's name is "alex."

7. Spider-man

In the scene where mary jane is being mugged by four men,
spider- man throws two of the men into two windows behind
mary jane. Then the camera goes back to spider-man beating
up the other two guys. When the camera goes back to mary
jane the two windows are intact.

8. Gladiator

After the battle with the germans, the next morning after
the tavern, he is walking in the army camp and he feeds a
horse a piece of apple. If you look closely between maximus
and the horse, there is a crewman wearing a pair of blue
jeans.

9. The matrix

In the scene where agent smith is interrogating neo, after
smith has sealed neo's mouth shut and he is backed into the
corner, when the camera cuts back to smith you can clearly
see a reflection in his glasses of neo still sitting down in
the chair.

10. Harry potter and the chamber of secrets

At the beginning of the scene near the end of the movie with
lucius malfoy fuming at dumbledore in his office, malfoy's
hair is fanned back behind his shoulders. The lighting in
the room illuminates the back of his neck, where you can see
his real, short brown hair.

11. Black hawk down

Near the end of the movie when the convoy is heading back to
the pakistan stadium, a humvee stops briefly to allow a man
to walk across the street with a child in his arms. When the
shot changes and the humvee begins driving again, a crew
member or cameraman is seen inside the humvee wearing a
white shirt. All of the men who entered the humvee were
wearing fatigues.

12. Pearl harbor

When evelyn first enters pearl harbor, there is a tall
building that clearly says, "est. 1953." Obviously this is a
little ahead of the times.

13. Austin powers in goldmember

Austin powers left school in 1959. He would have been 18
then. This means that the family holiday in belgium, when he
was a baby, would have been in 1941. Continental europe
would have been an odd choice for a family holiday that
year, what with world war ii going on and everything. Note:
lots of people seem to think that in england school leaving
age is 16. It can be, but most stay on until 18, especially
at a smart private school like austin's.

14. American pie

In the bedroom scene the girl is holding a clear cup full of
beer. The camera goes off her and when it comes back she is
holding a blue cup. The camera goes back off her, then on
her, and the cup is clear again.

15. The lord of the rings: the two towers

Merry and pippin were bound when taken by the uruk-hai, and
the bonds weren't cut until after they managed to escape
during the fight. Yet, when the horse almost crashed down on
pippin, he had his arms spread out up near his face, not
bound, even though they weren't cut until later.

16. Titanic

The lake that jack told rose he went ice fishing on when she
was threatening to jump is a man-made lake in wisconsin near
chippewa falls (where jack grew up). The lake was only
filled with water in 1917, five years after titanic sank.

17. Chicago

When roxie is about to fire billy, there is a close-up of
her telling him off, and you can see some loose blonde hairs
falling out of her hairstyle. In the next close-up they are
gone, and in the next one they're back again.

18. X-men 2

In the end, when the president is visited by the x-men, he
receives a blue binder, which is laid in front of him on the
table. When they have left, you see a shot including the
president's desk, and you can see that the only thing he has
on the table are some sheets of paper, stapled in the upper
left corner, opened up. Then the shot changes to a close-up
of the president, and then back again, and you see the blue
binder in front of him, closed, and the papers have
disappeared.

19. Raiders of the lost ark

While indy and marion are in the well of the souls, and they
encounter the snakes, indy falls to the ground only to get
confronted by a cobra rearing its head and hissing. Look
carefully and you'll see the reflection of the snake on the
safety glass between it and indy. Briefly you can also see
the torch's reflection while he's waving it around. (This
has been corrected in the new dvd set. You can only see it
if you have the original vhs. I think it's visible in the
"making of" on the dvd as well.)

20. The lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring

In the scene where sam and frodo are in the field with the
scarecrow, you can plainly see a car cruising past in the
distance, from right to left. Further comment, there are two
different shots which show the car moving from right to
left. One starts at the top right distance, and in a shot a
few seconds later the car has travelled down the road a bit
and is more easily visible. Complicating matters is that the
dust thrown up by the car looks similar to smoke from a
chimney in the right distance, making some people think it
is just the chimney. But chimneys don't move, and the smoke
from the chimney is separate from the moving vehicle. (It is
deleted on the dvd, but you can still see an obvious bit of
image fakery on the hill just left of the smoking chimney.
One can see the hill, tree, and surrounding area move up and
down and shimmer slightly where someone has done a cut and
paste to cover up the auto. The "car inclusive" scene
appears on the national geographic documentary beyond the
movie the lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring.
Also, watch the music documentary on the extended dvd when
it shows this scene the car is still in it. Bizarrely, in
his commentary peter jackson said he never saw a car and
doesn't know what people are talking about, but the
production/post-production team say in their commentary that
despite not thinking anyone would be able to see it, they
took it out anyway.)

Received from: JB Zarcal via e-mail

The Top 20 Best Mistakes Of All Time (in Hollywood films)

1) Don't argue with Tech Support! If you knew how to fix your current problem you would not be on the phone with them in the first place.

2) Calling Tech Support is some what of a crap shoot. Some techs know their stuff backwards and forwards. They have every menu memorized and they know pretty much what you are going to say even before you say it. If you run in to one of these skilled techs get his/her name. If you ever have to call that particular tech support again ask for that person by name. He or she will fix your problem in the least amount of time.

Other techs may have just started or may be still learning. They have access to very knowledgeable people. It may take them longer to fix your problem, but there is a good chance they will. They might have to go ask someone else what to do, but more than likely they will eventually fix your problem.

Ok, some of the techs are clueless. The demand for skilled techs is high, but the supply is low. There will be some people in tech support who will find their calling in another profession. If you are reasonably sure the person you are talking to is not skilled enough to help you, ask nicely to speak to the lead tech or supervisor. If the lead tech or supervisor is not available ask if you can leave your name and number and have someone get back to you. Don't expect an immediate call back. It may be a day or two depending on how busy the tech support department is. Usually the person assigned to do the call backs will be one of the better techs.

3) When you call tech support,.
no matter how pissed off you are, remember the tech support person did not cause your problem, but they may very well be the person who fixes your problem. Being a smart ass will only decrease their desire to help you. The tech support person on the phone has absolute power over your call. If you piss them off too much they can hang up on you in the blink of an eye, and send you back to the cue for another long wait just so you can complain about being hung up on.

4) Learn how to use your computer. The "Dummies" series of books (Windows 95 for Dummies, etc) are easy to read and understand. I learned how to use Windows 95 myself by reading "Windows 95 for Dummies" before moving on to more advanced topics. If you are not willing to learn at least a little you are wasting your time and money on a computer.

5) Call Tech Support during non-prime time hours. The calls coming in to Tech Support are at their highest volumes during weekday evening hours and business hours. The usual slump in the volume of calls occurs in the morning (9:00 am - 10:00 a.m.), right at lunch (12:00 p.m.), and around supper time (5:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m). Mid afternoon on Sunday can also be a slow time. When choosing a time to call keep in mind that the tech support you are calling may not be in the same state and time zone you are. Even local tech support numbers are not always "local". The phone company may be forwarding your call to another distant location even though you dialed a local number.

6) Don't buy the cheapest product you can find especially when buying a modem for your computer. Cheap modems almost always are cheap because they are junk. There IS a difference in quality and performance. A big difference. I once walked in to a computer store and saw a customer about to make a mistake. He picked up a blank white box that said "33.6 modem" and put it on the counter. I explained who I was and told him of the many calls we get at Internet Tech Support from customers who bought cheap modems that are now repeatedly hanging up on them. The sales person countered; "Actually that modem is made by Diamond Multimedia - The same company that makes the Supra Express." I replied; "It might be, but if they were proud of it they would have put their name on the box."

7) Calling computer tech support when you are not in front of your computer is pretty much useless. If you do not have a telephone near your computer move one there at least long enough to talk to computer tech support. If you have a modem then you can plug the phone line usually plugged in to your modem in to a phone. If you have a second phone line don't call tech support on the same phone line your modem uses if your problem relates to the modem or the Internet.

8) If you need your glasses to see your computer go get them before you call tech support.
9) If you have a hearing aid use it while on the phone with tech support.
10) Don't call in to tech support when you're drunk!
11) Call the right tech support number. It will do you little good to call your Internet service provider because you can't get your fax machine to work.

12) If you are so computer illiterate that you just can't seem to successfully communicate with tech support get some one to come over who is more knowledgeable about computers. Let that person call tech support for you. I remember one very nice, but very computer illiterate elderly couple that called in for several days and just couldn't seem to get their problem fixed. A week later their granddaughter called in for them. She and I fixed her grandparents computer in less than fifteen minutes.

13) Persistence pays off. One elderly man called in to tech support repeatedly for weeks. He was so computer illiterate when I first talked to him that I dreaded hearing his voice again. He had many computer problems that needed to be over come before he could get on the Internet, and he didn't have a clue what he was doing. I recommended (nicely) that he buy and read "Windows 95 for Dummies" and "Internet for Dummies". He did. One by one we over came his computer problems. Each time he called tech support he was a little more skilled and knowledgeable than the time before. After about fifteen calls to tech support over the period of several weeks we finally had all of his problems fixed. He had come a long way too.

The last time I called him to see if he was having any more problems. Then I asked to speak to his wife. I told her how her husband first called tech support and about drove me crazy. I also told her how far he had come since that first call. I told her how much I admired him for teaching himself, and for sticking in there despite problem after problem. I would have thrown my computer out the window and said the hell with it if I had been faced with the problems he over came.

Of all the calls I have ever taken I still remember him over two years later as the one person I admire the most for not being a quitter. When ever I am ready to blow my top or quit because things are not going my way, I remember him. His persistence and patience is now giving me the strength I need to keep my cool and try again. In the end he taught me an important lesson I will carry with me for life.

14) Read the manual!

Received from: Graxioza via e-mail

Tips On Dealing With Tech Support

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver"

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the Impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them. And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.

Remain Blessed.

Received from an e-mail (Sender... I forgot)

Malachi

LIE: Revenues from EVAT will be used to fund social services and public infrastructure.

TRUTH: Proceeds from EVAT will be wasted on servicing of debt including illegitimate and onerous ones such as the Bataan nuke plant and IPP contracts. Debt payments gobble up 70 centavos of every peso of the proposed budget this year and a staggering 80 cents of every peso of tax collected last year. Of what little remains, massive corruption will take a large piece and crumbs are all that will be left for government services.

LIE: The EVAT is not anti-poor.

TRUTH: Government propaganda highlights that families spending not more than P60,000 per year will only pay 0.2% of that on taxes like EVAT. But who are these? These are the hungry poor that spend a mere P28 per day. They will hardly pay for EVAT but only because they hardly spend or eat at all! Instead the average working class family will spend an additional P428 per month due to EVAT on electricity, LPG and food. This is more than a day's wage lost by workers to EVAT.

LIE: The EVAT is progressive because it is a consumption tax and therefore the rich who consume more VATable goods and services will pay more.

TRUTH: Consumption tax is regressive by nature. The poor may consume less in nominal terms compared to the rich, but a higher percentage of their lesser income is spent on consumption. Thus EVAT in fact imposes a heavier on the poor than the rich. It is a Robin Hood in reverse, taking from the poor and giving to the rich bankers and debtors. Regressive taxes like VAT are raised to make up for the billions in revenues lost due to rapid reduction of tariffs and generous tax holidays for investors. Thru EVAT, poor Filipinos are in fact subsidizing not just the rich but also the giant multinational companies!

Received from: Erwin Cuenca

Debt, Lies and EVAT